Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
