Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
