stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
