My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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