He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
