My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
