How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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