sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
