I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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