She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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