Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
