He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
