At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
