hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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