my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
