Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
