you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
