we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
