he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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