I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
