I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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