Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
