school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
