Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
