I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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