mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
