I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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