if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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