Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
