That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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