dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
