my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
