I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They have beer where we have blood.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
