Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
