You just made me feel so damn special
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
