i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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