We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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