Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
