I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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