Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
