one might say we're banned from that church
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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