I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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