and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
