So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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