You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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