i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
