he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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