yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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