There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
