I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't notice because vodka
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
