the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
