According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
