I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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