Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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