Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
