my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My vagina is officially offended.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
