This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
