watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
