So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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