He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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