I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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