the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
