kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
