Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
